Difficult Times!

We are living difficult times. Most people are worrying about their health, their family’s health and how we are going to get through this, and mostly how long it will take for all this to go away.

But for us, the ones that have our families divided, it is even worse, because we wish we could all be together and face/embrace this difficult time together. I always worry about something like this happening and not being there to take care of my daughter.

I was having really bad anxiety, because I saw on the news how difficult things were getting in some states. It’s really sad to see what’s going on.

 I was faced with the dilemma. What should I do? What’s best for my little one? To stay here with me or to send her with her dad to Florida, where, if she gets sick, I believe she will have better medical care there.

I asked my husband what he though was best for our daughter. His answer: “ I think the best for all of us is to be together as a family. I wish you could come here but since that’s not possible. I am preparing to come there to be with you and Estela. We need to be together.”

So, he decided that he and my oldest daughter, Pamela, should come here. After hanging up the phone with him I could not stop to think how unfair this situation is.

I remember feeling this type of anxiety and worry when he was getting deployed to Iraq after the 9/11 attacks and how he had to leave me and our 12 month- old child to go serve his country. And how unfair it is for the very country that he served to punish him, with its stupid, outdated immigration laws preventing us from being together as we should be.

They were supposed to be coming on Saturday. But unfortunately, we got the news that Mexico are only allowing Mexicans citizens or Mexicans residents to enter. I guess we won’t be together anytime soon.

I can only hope that none of us get sick and that all this passes soon.

So, if you are having a hard time dealing with all this, please be grateful that at least you have your family together and please be certain that all this should pass and things will get back to normal and that things, perhaps will be better than before.

A lesson that we can learn is that life as we know can change on a blink of an eye. We have to be compassion and treat each other better, because life is a wheel of a fortune. Sometimes we are up and sometimes my friend, we are down

Stay safe my friends. See you next time!

Resilience!

Throughout my ordeal I have find out that you can learn good things from bad situations.

I learned as a child that life was hard and unfair. As mentioned in the documentary. I had a very rough childhood. But I understand now that I it made me stronger- like life was preparing me for what I was going to face- so that I could endure what was awaiting me in the years to come.

A few months ago, when one of my readers contacted me, I learned a word that I have never heard before. It is the name of his company, and it is the word that describe me the best. I absolutely love this world.

Resilience: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.

I have not recovered yet. I think I never will, as long I am away from what I love the most- my family. But I am resilient.

I still cry every day and night. I still miss cooking for my family, playing with my dog Spot and sitting outside on my beautiful rocking chair while waiting for the bus to drop Pamela off from school. My oldest child now 18 years old.

She was 16 when I got deported. Healing is a process I know that. I can just hope that one day I will understand why this happened to my family. I know I probably deserved it -but they didn’t.  They are just victims . I hope that one day I can go to bed and wake up without crying. I know one day I will.

In the meantime, I keep going-running each day and praying for my miracle.

By the way what have I learned? That I am stronger than I ever though!

As always thank you for reading my blog.

Other Deported Moms!

As I mentioned before a lot people have contacted me for several reasons, some of them to share their stories and others to ask how my family and I are doing.

I created my blog 14 months ago. When I met a beautiful American lady that lives in Belize. She is a blogger and she suggested that I created one, as she tough that my story was very powerful.

I am so happy I did because trough this blog, I have met so many great people. But also. I have discovered that this administration has and is deporting a lot of moms like me, without criminal record other than the illegal entry.

As humans we always think that we are the only ones going through certain bad situations, but I have discovered that is not the case. Thanks to my blog.

Now I know that. That there are a lot like me and in a worse situations.

Many deported moms have contacted me and shared their story. Sadly, their situacion is worse than mine. 

Every night, I think about all of them. Lots of them have not seen their kids in more than two years due to financial situations as they can’t afford to buy airplane tickets for their kids to come and visit them.

I am now working with a deported mom of six kids. helping her to open a Gofound me so that she can get with the funds donated her treatment for her breast cancer here in Mexico. I will post the link to her petition on my next blog. Hoping you can support her cause.

Thank you for reading my blog. See you next time!

https://www.patreon.com/join/findinghopeafterdeportation

Trying to digest what had happened to me, 14 months after!

Today, October 18th. It has been 14 months and fifteen days since I got here. And while I was running, I realized that my oldest daughter’s birthday is coming in 7 days. This is going to be her second birthday without me.

I asked myself how I have been able to keep going without seen her beautiful face everyday. How could it is possible that I am still alive and haven’t die of sadness when everything hurts, even to wake up in the morning

I think that everybody deals with pain differently and the way I have been dealing with my pain is by denying that this truly happened to me.

I haven’t really digest what had happened to me. I know I should have by now. Often I wake up thinking this did not happened, that I am just having a nightmare and that soon I will wake up and all this will be over.

I Know that I have to really have to start accepting this, until then I will not be able to move on and build a life in here. But the idea of building a life here without my daughter scares me. I have asked her many times to move here with me. I need her here with me. I know she soon will be 18 but she needs me. We were very attached and I know it’s selfish on my part to ask her to leave her life there and move to a third world Country where I know first- hand she won’t have the same opportunities she has in the US, But to be honest I care more now about her mental health than anything else, even her carrier. I really need her and she needs me.

Many readers and people that watched the documentary, have been asking if my husband and I are still together. Yes, we are still together. It wasn’t easy. I had to let go a lot hard feelings. Like I mentioned in the documentary. I had to put aside the fact that he voted for the current President not knowing that he was going to deport good people. It wasn’t easy, there was a point where I felt we were done. But he is a human and humans make mistakes and I have seen how much he is suffering because his family was torn a part. I know he has paid for making that bad decision. This is a subject that really hurts but what I can share with you is that he won’t vote for the current President and he is doing everything possible for me to go back including going lobbying next year to Washington, DC.

As always thank you for reading my blog and don’t forget to check my YouTube Channel!

Why I decided to be a part of a documentary!

Finally.  The documentary I am a part of is out. It’s call Living Undocumented. After seeing it many things are running to my head. Watching all those scenes brought me sad memories-the stress I felt, the pain, the uncertainty of not knowing what was going to be of me, my daughters and my husband.

Seeing my oldest daughter, Pamela crying and my precios son name Spot that I have not seeing since I got deported. My husband says that he sleeps with the  dirty socks I left in the laundry room.

Watching the series made me realized that even though God could but choose not to prevent my deportation, he has been with me. He has been with me wherever I have gone. I understand it now. I see it.

I feel so ungrateful because I doubted him and I still do sometimes. I couldn’t  sleep the last nights prior my deportation thinking how and where I was going to live? as I mentioned on the series, I don’t have a home here in Mexico. I had so many sleepless nights thinking where and how I am going to live in Mexico if I have to leave? I forgot that God has always got me. I have a decent room over my head and although is not the beautiful home I left in Florida. Still a home and I am very appreciative for that.

Barely anyone knew of my participation in the documentary, and now that is out. I have friends asking me why did I decided to be a part of this documentary? why did I choose to expose my life and my family in such a big platform as Netflix ?

The answer is:

Because I feel that when good, godly Americans watch it. It will open their eyes and hopefully change their minds how they perceive Immigrants. The majority of the immigrants are good, hard working people that just want a better life, like any other human being . Not like the current government wants Americans to believe.

So if you watched it, or are planning to watch it. My hope is that you watch it with a receptive, compassion heart. And that if my story has impacting you and you want to see me go home.

and If you are an American and have the privilege to vote. Please vote for legislators, like my Congressman Darren Soto and a for a different President that treat immigrants with dignity and compassion. Please help me go back home!

As always thank you for reading my blog!

https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/bring-alejandra-home

https://www.patreon.com/join/findinghopeafterdeportation

A year has passed!

A year has passed- Unbelievable. A year has passed and I am still here! Throughout this year I have experienced how it feels to have your heartbroken. It is a pain, a physical pain that won’t let you eat or sleep. But God’s grace is amazing and I am still here -15 pounds less, And although I am still sad and still can’t sleep well. I am doing a little better than before. 

I remember how on August 2nd the night before my deportation, I could not sleep thinking how am I going to fit 20 years of my life into these two suitcases?” I also remember walking around my neighborhood in the middle of the night staring at the outside of my house and thinking, “this may be the last time you see your home.”

 So I tried to record in my head the last picture of my beautiful house. The same house my husband and I build with part of the money he earned when he was deployed to Iraq after the 9/11 attacks. How Ironic life can be! Who would have thought that I was going to have to leave my house and my husband would have to live in that house without me. We always thought we were going to grow old and die together in our home.

Recently I have been doing more interviews hoping that by keeping my story alive, I will be able to go back.  I am and always be hoping and waiting for that email from Congressman Darren Soto letting me know that my private bill has passed and that I have to start packing because I am going back.

I always go to sleep and wake up asking for God to help me and make a miracle happen. I know that one day. He will hear me. But I also know that for now, I have to make the best of it and keep going- for my little one, for my oldest one, for myself.

In the meantime, I am counting the days until Christmas so that I can see my oldest child as she will be coming to visit me again. Seeing her beautiful face again is what keeps me going!

Thank you for your support.

As always thank you for reading my blog, and if you can please sign my petition and look into my http://www.patreon.com! Thank You

https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/bring-alejandra-home

https://www.patreon.com/findinghopeafterdeportation

#findinghopeafterdeportation

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As always thank you for reading my blog, and if you can please sign my petition and look into my patreon.com! Thank You

 

 

No more asking why me!

Once again, I had a hard time finding what was I going to write about. So many things have happened to me over the last weeks,  some good and lots of bad.

  I realized that I had to let go of my pain and the grouches I can’t keep holding onto something that I can’t change right now. It is very damaging for me and my little one who lives with me. My pain and disappointments are not letting me be the mom that I always wanted to be and was prior to my deportation.

   August 3rd is going to be one year since I came back to the country that I was born in and I am still mentally in the same position that I was in when I arrived. Why? Because I keep holding onto my pain and my suffering. I keep asking God why me? I keep asking everyone that I trust, the same question. Hoping someone will give me an answer that will satisfy me and make me feel better.  I recently asked my husband this question. Why this happened to me? his answer was, why not? It was the best answer anyone has given me so far! 

   My oldest child helped me see that I have become a negative, toxic person. I couldn’t see it.  She recently came with my husband to visit. She told me. “Mom it is time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Keep doing things to go back, but at the same time try to move on, find your strength. You are a strong woman, I know that.” 

  She left two days ago with my little one.  We promised each other to be strong and be positive.  I didn’t want my little one to leave me- even temporary,  but she wanted to go see her dog and her friends. I understood it and while she is gone, I am trying to organize my thoughts, my goals, and my life,  at the same time that I am trying to find the strength to keep going!

 

https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/bring-alejandra-home

https://www.patreon.com/findinghopeafterdeportation

#findinghopeafterdeportation

 

Photo 2

Thank you for reading my blog, and thanks to my new friend Felipe Rodriguez ( another deportee, Instagram: feliperodriguez1967) for taking this beautiful picture!