Today March 3rd, It has been seventh months since I got deported. For the last 7 months I kept thinking, Today will be the day that Congressman, Darren Soto will call me to tell me ‘Alejandra you can come back.’ I spoke with him two weeks ago and he says things are looking promising. I know within my heart that he is doing everything possible for things to happen, but I realized that is not healthy for me to keep leaving like this, waiting for that call. I am tired of being sad all the time. I know I have to make a change in my life for my daughter’s health. She lives with me and it is not healthy for her to see me sad and crying all the time. Three days ago I went to downtown and saw many needy people asking for money including little kids. I saw that they looked happy -happier than me. So, I got home, texted my oldest child in Florida and asked her for permission to be happier. I needed her permission because I feel guilty for trying to be happy even though she is not here with me. I feel I should not be happy without her. When I told her that I was going to try to be happier and if she could forgive me for all the pain I have caused her because of my poor decisions. She said “yes mom try to be happy and do things. I love you and don’t want to see you sad anymore.” Continue reading “Finally Finding Healing!”
By now it has been 6 months since I have been living in Mexico.
And the separation still hurts as bad as the first day of my arrival. I still get contacted by media asking me if they can come to Mexico for an interview. My answer is always the same, no. Since my arrival to Mexico. I have only allowed one journalist to come and follow my story. I hate to be rude and I wish I could say yes to them but I am still so sad and don’t want people to see me like this. I know, I should be feeling better by now but I am not quite there.
I have been told that time heals everything but as long my child remains there, I don’t think that will be the case. I am doing everything within my power to heal and get used to leaving here but there has not been a day since my arrival that I pray to God that today will be the day that I heard my phone ring with the news that I can go back to my home in Florida. Last week my hope of coming back increased because of my local Congressman. Darren Soto refiled my private bill and my daughter, Pamela was invited to D.C for a press conference outside the Capitol. Seeing her speak made me feel so proud. That shy teenager girl that I left, has become my voice. When I saw her talked, I could not help but think, “ where is my shy girl?” While I continue to build my life here with my youngest child, I will also continue to hope that I can go back one day to my home in Florida. Hoping that the day will come soon.
Thank you for reading my blog and I hope to see you next time!
Pamela in Washington DC
I couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over! I hated to go out and hear the Christmas carols in every single store. Yes, I know. I sound like the Grinch. In fact, my little one named me the Mexican Grinch! I did not buy a Christmas tree or any Christmas decorations. but I did buy a gift for each of my kids. On December 21st my beautiful daughter Pamela came to see me. She arrived a few days before Christmas and she was not happy when she saw that I did not have a Christmas tree.
I know my lack of Christmas spirit made my kids sad. But how can I be in the mood when I just lost so much? For the last 21 years, I spend a lot of money on Christmas decorations, gifts, etc. But after my deportation, over the last couple of months I have barely had the energy to get out, take my child to school, cook a healthy lunch for her when she gets back from school and find the strength to exercise because that is the only thing ( besides talking to God) that prevents me from going crazy or wanting to jump out off a bridge.
The truth is that it has been very hard for me to go on. I can’t seem to get out of the dark cloud that I feel I have over my head. It has been 5 months since I was deported from the US and I know that it is expected from me by now to feel better and move on right? Well no. Not really. How can I feel better when so much has been taking away from me? I built my life in Florida, I built my dream house with hard work and perseverance and with no government assistance -despite some people might think. My husband and I NEVER EVER asked for government assistance and we are proud of that. The only thing he asked the government, was for the chance for his wife to remain there, in the US. And we all know how that went!
It felt good to have my husband and oldest child here for Christmas. We had a good time full of laughs and lots of tears. I wanted to be happy but I kept thinking: In a few days they will be leaving and I will have to wait god knows how many months to see them again. My oldest child kept saying, “ Mom, I wish you could come with us, this is not right, It’s so cruel and does not make sense. Many undocumented people are there and you were deported why, why you?” I responded to her that is a question that I keep asking God on a daily basis. Why me? Why? My question remains unanswered. But I hope, that one day I get to know the answer. I know I will.
Sadly, the day that my child and husband had to live came on January the 3rd, a few days ago and my 9-year-old and I are still very sad. But we find comfort hoping that next Christmas we can spend it together in our house in Florida, with our old dog Spot. In the meantime, I keep praying for my miracle to happen!
Thank you for reading my blog and please don’t forget to visit my Patreon account below. See you next time!
Yes, I know you may have been wondering Why I have not written anything in a while. Some even have wondered f I have stopped writing my blog. To be honest with you, I was considering not writing anymore. Why? Because I have been feeling down,- more than usual – and I think it has to do with the holidays. First Thanksgiving and now Christmas. I didn’t know what to write about other than sad things such as how much this year’s Thanksgiving sucks because I was not there with my family. Since I did not want my blog to be only about negative stuff, I am glad I did not write my blog. The purpose of my blog is to share how deportation affects families, particularly mine. But most important is to bring some type of hope to other deportees or people that are about to be deported.
So, as I was getting ready to close my blogging account, I decided to pray over it instead. I said to myself “God I am so busy re-building my life here and I really have not time to commit to my writing so let me know what to do!” Next day my answer came.
I woke up and read my emails and someone had contacted me telling me that my story has given her hope. She is about to be deported this month and that she wants my advice on where to live and what schools I recommend for her kids. So I answered her email and I am currently helping her look for an apartment near where I live. I have always found pleasure and comfort for helping others. That is what humans should do. Love and help each other. So I have decided that I will continue to write and share my story of struggles and hope after deportation!
Thank you for reading my blog and don’t forget to visit my Patreon account below!!
As you all know Christmas is coming soon and I do not know how I will survive it! I was walking with my youngest daughter who lives with me last week at a local plaza and she saw Christmas ornaments. She said, “Mom this will be our first Christmas here in Mexico.” Yes, she is right, this will be her first Christmas in Mexico and my 18th Christmas in Mexico out of my 39 years of life. To be honest, I do not remember how Christmas is here.
That night she wrote this prayer and it goes like this:
I am Estela Juarez. I am 9 years old but people think I’m 6 because I am to short like my mom and do not like to eat much, that is why I think I look like I am 6 years old instead of 9. Ever since my mom got deported I have a big hole in my heart. I have been praying day and night. I prayed for Congressman Darren Soto to be re-elected and he was! I also have been praying; for President Trump. I pray that god all powerful changes his heart and that he allows my mom to come back. I also pray for President Trump to stops deporting good people like my mom. I want to spend Christmas at my house in Florida with my whole family, including my dog Spot. If my whole family is reunited again, only then the big hole in my heart will be filled with joy and happiness.”
This was her prayer and I made it my prayer too!
Thank you for reading my blog. If you liked it, please visit my http://www.patreon.com account below. See you next time!
For those who have been following my blog. You may have noticed that I have not written lately. I apologize for not doing so. The truth is that I have been very busy rebuilding my life here in Mexico. The Mexico that I left when I was a teenager is so different from the Mexico I see now. But something has not changed, the kindness of my people. Mexican people have a good heart. They know how to be happy with little money. My daughter noticed that too. She tells me all the time, “Mom kids seem to be happier here!” Even though I am still very sad that I am not with my husband, oldest daughter and my dog, I do not miss my big house and my nice car! I do not have a car here and public transportation almost doesn’t exist, so very often I have to walk long miles to take my child to school and pick her up. Thanks to that I have lost weight, something that I tried for a long time and was not able to due to my thyroid problem. This situation has made me understand that I was very attached to material things. Over the years I spent a lot of money furnishing my big house- not to mention the amount of money I spent shopping in my favorite clothing store Macy’s. Do not get me wrong I miss Macy’s a lot, there is not Macy’s here and the clothes are not as nice as the one in the US. I do not longer care about that!
I started to look for a job to support my youngest daughter and me. This is the part that I remember about Mexico. The reason why many immigrants immigrate to the US and one of the reasons I left Mexico nearly 23 years ago. Salaries over here are terrible. I knew that sure, but I thought that it might be different this time because now I am bilingual. I thought it will be easy to find a decent job. Unfortunately. it’s not the case. Even if I am able to find a decent job, the money will not be enough to pay for my rent. My rent is nearly $600 hundred dollars a month. Being bilingual here in Mexico is not enough, so it seems that my dream to go to college may not be happening soon if I can’t find a job that pays well.
In the meantime. I keep praying and hoping for a miracle, especially now that elections are coming. So if you are reading my blog and empathize with my situation. Please, I humbly want to ask you to vote for your Congressmen or Senators that are pro-immigration. Please keep in mind there are currently two bills that if passed, I and others like me will be able to go back to the US. One of those bills is HR 1036 American United Families introduced by Beto O’Rourke. So, if you live in Texas make sure you vote for him.
This is for now and please do not forget to visit my Patreon account and petition:
I hope to see you next time!
I just came from dropping off my husband and daughter at the airport. This situation is so hard. The pain that I feel right now is so intense that if someone would burn me alive, I would not feel it because I am already in horrible pain. I know my husband will be okay, he is a tough man. He is an ex-marine. But my daughter is not, she is very fragile because I have always overprotected her. She is my first one. And during my husband’s deployment to Iraq, it was her and me only- so we grew very attached to each other. I am trying to be strong so that she will not suffer more but it is so hard to pretend. She can’t understand why the US government was so cruel to deport her mother and break her family apart. I try to explain to her that actions have consequences so that she can learn from my situation. But she constantly asks why other people who entered illegally were able to fix their status and I couldn’t. Continue reading “Saying Good Bye to My Family For the Second Time!”